Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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