if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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