i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
