Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
