OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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