I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
