A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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