Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
