Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Text me some of your sweat
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