all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
