i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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