Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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