It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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