i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
