I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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