i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
handjob tips. give me some.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
