Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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