You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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