Sry I called you an 8
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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