i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
