just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
