We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
