so let's talk penis.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
