I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
