You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
