My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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