I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
