You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
