she woke up with a sticky ear
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize