R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
