I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
