my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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