dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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