Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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