We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
