I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
