i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Are we still banned from the library?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
