the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
