Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
