If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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