You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
