im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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