Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize