Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
