Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
