they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
