ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
only if we run a train.
done.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
