in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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