exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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