I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
