i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
