He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
