Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
