he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
