please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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