Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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