***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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