You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
