his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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