Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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