I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
