the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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