This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
