do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize