Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
