Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
how drunk are you?
Several
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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