So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
