i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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