hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
