so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
